Lord, My Child is Gay, What Do I Do?

Lord, My Child is Gay, What Do I Do?

(Something every parent who has a child should read!)

Believe it or not, this statement has been heard in the ears of The Creator more times than you or I could ever imagine! It is the prayer of the desperate mother and father who fear that he or she has done something so wrong in rearing their child, until the outcome has been disastrous. Minutes go by, hours go by, and to the dismay of the parent(s), his or her petition has not been answered. Not a peep from Heaven, not even a whisper. But it never occurs to that mother or father that maybe the lack of a response to their desperate plea is an answer in itself.

Days go by, and a trillion questions fill the mind of that mother and father – with the most pressing questions being: What did I do wrong? Why is my child this way? What are my friends and relatives going to think? What are the people at church going to say? Does this mean my child will never marry someone of the opposite sex and I may never have grandchildren? Who’s going to carry on the family name? Did this happen because I was too overbearing as a mother? Did he turn out this way because he did not spend enough time with his father? And the list goes on. And of course for the mother and father who have deep religious convictions arises the ultimate question: “Will my child go to Hell because he or she is gay?"

And what is even more disheartening – perhaps more than the fact that the parent has now discovered that their child may be gay – is that all of their lofty dreams for that child have somehow been maliciously stolen in the middle of the night by some perverted thief while everyone was sleeping. However, in reality, that child didn’t just wake up and discover that he or she liked someone of the same gender; this was a natural process of development for him or her, as natural as how any other heterosexual child grows and matures.

Even though to you as a parent, it seems opposed to everything that you believe and everything you wanted and dreamed of for your child, denying who that child is will never change the outcome. You can’t pray it away, cast it out, fast it away, wish it away, hope it away, beat it out of them, or try to change their orientation by insisting they act more masculine or more feminine. It is who they are!

It is vital for each parent of every gay child to understand that when they attempt to force elimination or suppression of the most natural part of who that child is as an individual (that being “sexual orientation”), that lends itself to mental illness, weakens the immune system -- making the person more vulnerable to disease -- and prevents the child from forming wholesome relationships with people and with God. It also prevents the child from developing the people-skills that are necessary to establish and maintain wholesome loving relationships because he or she has been told that their expression of love is somehow sinful or wrong.

The result is often a slew of brief sexual encounters that never fully satisfy and endless sabotaged relationships that leave him or her bitter, alone, and loveless at the end of their lives.

As much and as hard as you may try to make time stand still while you catch your breath and wrap your mind around what is happening to you, remember: it is not just happening to you; it is also happening to your little Daniel or Julie, who has a whole lot more to figure out and process than you could ever imagine. He or she is now engaged in the greatest challenge any human being will ever have to face. If you poise yourself as the enemy of your child’s orientation, he or she may become a casualty of life and literally may not survive it. Statistics have proved that thousands of youths jump off bridges, take drugs, succumb to alcoholism, and become estranged from their own families in a desperate attempt to silence the inner conflict and pain that they feel inside because they now realize without a doubt that they are gay!

It is for this reason that I earnestly speak to the love in you, the compassion in you, the mercy in you, the wisdom in you, and most of all, the sanity in you on behalf of your child. I know that you dreamed of the day when you would plan your daughter’s wedding or hold your son’s newborn child in your arms, and you have waited an entire lifetime to be the doting grandparent. But again, I want to remind you that your child is engaged in a battle, in the very center of a fierce war zone, and the enemy called “LIFE” has the upper hand. Whether he or she comes out on the other side of the battle alive and unscathed not only depends on the psychological fortitude and stamina of the child but on you as a loving parent.

What I am asking you to do may seem difficult and at first unreasonable to you because deep down inside, you want something so different for your child. I am appealing to the SUPER PARENT in you that would go days without food if need be to make sure your child has food to eat. I am appealing to the deepest part of your humanity, and I am asking that part of you to RISE UP AND GET YOUR SECOND WIND and be determined that your child is going to live to fulfill his or her divine destiny and declare the glory of the Lord by blessing the world with all the gifts and abilities that lie in him or her – NOT DIE.

If the God you say you serve, that you claim is all-knowing, omnipresent, omnipotent (unlimited in power) -- if He is in fact all of these things, I can assure you that He can handle any problem or challenge you or your child is faced with. Know emphatically, however, that the only physical eyes your child sees (that represent God) are yours. The only loving touch he feels is yours. The words that he hears in his ears are yours. Since you profess to be a God’s child, it is vital that you not allow your fears, disappointments, and disapproval of his or her lifestyle to distort their view of God. This type of misrepresentation has been the main reason millions of same-gender-loving people have exited churches by the masses, falsely thinking that God does not love them – and even hates them because they are gay.

One day, I fear that many well-meaning Christians will have to stand before the Prince of Peace, The King of the Universe, stained with the blood of millions on their hands, having to give an account for those whom they bashed from the pulpit as they heralded legalistic doctrine instead of wooing them to Christ with love and mercy.

I realize that you desperately want to know the answers to all the whys, but what is more important is not to understand but rather to respect your child’s right to choose. No Pastor, Bishop, Priest, or Clergyman could ever deny the fact that God has given each of His created beings a free will and the right to choose. If The Creator will not override our will or deny us that right, then no human being has the right to deny any other human being of those God-endowed privileges.

While your child may not have chosen his or her orientation, he has chosen to face the reality that he is who he is. He has accepted the reality that even though his natural inclinations are different from many others around him, he has to be true to himself. This decision is perhaps more godly than you could ever imagine because Scripture says that God desires truth on the inward part (Psalm 51:6). Rejection of your child’s sexual orientation has the potential to lay the foundation for sham marriages and closeted DL relationships, possibly exposing unsuspecting spouses to life-threatening diseases. The DL brother and the cheating lesbian wife are proof of the fact that a person’s true orientation or preference is going to emerge and express itself in spite of what others may say or think.

Many will say that my recommendations for how to minister to your child are to adopt a “DO NOTHING ATTITUDE”; but on the contrary, what I am really suggesting is the opposite! Teach your child to love himself and to respect his or her body as a temple of God. Tell him sex is a beautiful experience, not to be taken lightly or to be engaged in haphazardly. Help him or her to understand that everything we do, every choice we make is not without consequences, and therefore, we must be ever mindful of these truths and make good decisions. Tell them how much you love them, how much God loves them, and do everything possible to prepare your child to successfully hurdle all the hateful comments -- comments like "God hates fags” and “all gay people are going to Hell" because these things are not so!

Do everything to shore up him or her emotionally so that they can successfully combat a society riddled with prejudice and homophobia, something he or she will undoubtedly experience in their lifetime as a result of being gay. Tell your child that there is no different measuring stick for gay relationships than for heterosexual ones when it comes to selecting a suitable companion. Make sure that you get over to him or her how important it is for them to develop the skills that will help them to properly discern when selecting a life partner, no matter what the gender.

They will interpret these actions in the light of truth and love, and your actions will speak volumes to them. For the love you demonstrate to them because they are your children will transform them into whole, balanced children with a true sense of pride and direction. You will ever rejoice for having rescued them from the throes of life, and your willingness to accept them as they are will reflect the awesome love of God and draw them to His loving presence. Then release them into His care with the assurance that He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think! (Ephes. 3:20)

In Loving Memory of my Mother and Father,

Ethel and Paul Mason

who loved me unconditionally.

Afraid to tell your family and friends that you are gay?
Have a gay son or lesbian daughter and not sure how to handle the situation?
Know someone who is struggling with reconciling their sexuality and spirituality?

Then this excerpt from

LOVE WON'T LET ME BE SILENT
is just for YOU!

You can download this excerpt free and even email it to a family member or friend!

The French philosopher Voltaire declaimed,
"Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come!"
That idea is equality for all.
Out of the struggle for equal rights, emerges one powerful compelling voice that touches the hearts of men and women everywhere,
passionately giving credence to that ideal.
This new voice has inspired a cultural revolution, motivating and empowering millions to stand up for their God-given rights.
Finally, today's generation has received their advocate
and their just due in the person of acclaimed author
and Civil Rights Activist,
Terry Angel Mason!
-Asim, Songwriter, Lyricist, Author and Creative Writer